The Waves

Finale

2006-12-31T09:23:00.000+08:00

This is my 101st post. The blog is now a little more than a year old. Blogger has a new system. It is the end of another year. I see no reason why I shouldn't close it right now. It's the most opportune moment. But I guess me being me, still not able to give things up easily, still hanging on to teeny shreds of the past, I'll continue to hang on to this, one thing of mine that's endured time. I will not be posting regularly because it does not give me particular joy any longer. But once in a while i shall pop by and say hi. Say hi to my memories. Because they remain most dear to me.

2006-12-11T10:41:00.000+08:00

Yours truly is back, from vacation, and from a one month blogging hiatus. Expressing my thoughts (as in my serious ones) on my blog is an idea that has ceased to appeal to me, simply because, in penning your thoughts, you give them a permanence, and open them to potential, dare i say it - praise, but more often than not, criticism, abuse and what not. the never ending, ever branching sources of influences and outlets are something i rather not contemplate and worry about. in a way, you can say, roland barthes has convinced me sufficiently that the author is indeed dead.

so from now onwards, you shall not be treated to coherent thought on this space, not unless yours truly chances upon a day of exceeding sugar levels. brace yourself for nothing but empty headed gibberish. (although i might add, that less head and more heart might make for more truth and more humanity).

2006-11-16T23:08:00.000+08:00

He had toed the line. No, to the more orthodox, he had overstepped, like an athlete false starting at his first race. Each moment of being was so intense to him these days, and he cherished them like never before, but ironically, this particular instance, this memory, came back swift and fast, and haunted him, almost, passionately. It stuck like an adhesive on his cerebrum, finding its way to the vault where he always, to his chagrin, thought was empty as an abyss but now, to his dismay, where he found the immaterial wisp they called his conscience.

2006-11-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

He contemplates his day, one in which, he reckons, he has achieved the most in a long time.

Today, imbued with the spirit of Woolf, he embarked on a long, lonely, yet lovely stroll home. The kiss of the wind on his face, swiftly followed by the sound of a snapping twig, the Angel of Insanity heightened his senses, Like a Synthetic Drug.

The vestibule door of his mind blasts open, no squeaking like that of Clarissa Dalloway's. Each moment now seems immensely intense. He reads about an intertextual reference. A whisper of alienation and isolation, barely audible. A touch of a female, delicate and loving, motherly and caring. Or was it merely a gesture so dictated by societal expectations, so bound by feminist stereotypes? The taste of a cake. Where is the outlet for creative expression?

Ah yes. The scent of roses. Yellow. No, were they red? Or perhaps white. Yes. There were still the flowers to buy. And the third tiger to hunt for. Yes. Each moment, each hour, each day begs a new question, sets a new task. We live our lives, we plod along, we perform functions as if God, or perhaps Fate, were the greatest Mathematician there ever was.

But what is it we cherish? Is it the people, is it the questions, is it these functions we execute, or is it, quite simply and beautifully, these Hours?

2006-11-11T20:54:00.000+08:00

what a lark! what a plunge! For so it had always seemed to him..

how dearly he would cherish the kiss of a wave, chill and sharp, and yet (for a boy of seventeen as he was) refreshing and new. Feeling as he did, standing there at the open window, the little squeak of the hinges, which he could hear now, the doors burst open. A new beginning. A plunge. A room of one's own.

2006-11-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

too bored. it's leading to obsession with my mac, my books and you.

2006-11-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

i'm seriously broke. this is a reminder to myself that song owes me a fifty.

2006-10-31T21:13:00.000+08:00

someone feels betrayed by my previous post. someone who used to champion my views on being in love with love. i guess, i shall simply say, that it's nice to be naive and carefree once in a while.

i'm starting to feel restricted by the small space allowed to my posts in this blog template. but i'm too fond of it to switch design. which might mean, that i shall consign my lengthier posts elsewhere. revive one of the old ones. most of you wouldn't care to read those anyway.

so anyway.

2006-10-28T21:33:00.000+08:00

once upon a time, i despised being in love with love. i looked down on those who were, in my mind, naive enough to fall for it. today, i regret that i ever let myself think that way. As a Christian, the cornerstone of my faith is the Lord's love, his sacrifice. 1 John 4 says that perfect love casteth out all fear. previously, i looked upon being in love with love with disdain, but now i see that those conceptions stemmed from my fears, my failure to grasp and accept the perfect love that He showers upon us, and that restricted me from going out, and just loving my neighbours, my friends and my family. that changes from today. there's nothing wrong with being in love with love. i will go out and embrace love. i hope you will too.

2006-10-28T10:34:00.000+08:00

In your mind, i am but an idea, whether you know it or not.

and V got it right - ideas have to be bulletproof.

2006-10-22T22:13:00.000+08:00

soonks pointed out something today. what's the difference between must-haves, and nice-to-haves? i'll keep with the status quo for now.

2006-10-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

i am at peace

2006-10-17T20:33:00.000+08:00

i can't believe i went up there and said all that rubbish. i mean, all it elicited was a comment on the clarity of my voice -.- but anyway, i conciously intended it that way i guess. i was, as one of them put it, high on crack. for not much of a reason. possibly fueled by my excessive cynicism. but anyway. i mean, like, whatever. gosh i can't believe i just said that.

you, me, and beauty. (:

2006-10-16T22:14:00.000+08:00

with no disrespect to anybody, most of the things that perpetrated my cerebral membrane today seemed to have retarded my intellect. ironic especially since i set out today with a new book by edward said in my bag, all ready to end the day so much the richer having consumed some reading material. unfortunately, i was faced with a constant barage of critical thinking, which in itself is faultless, but in my opinion, sadly inadequate without the accompaniment of lateral thinking. the western culture of dialectic, or the 'clash' system, will, in my mind, always be a hindrance rather than a help. for more on these views on thinking about thinking that i have gleaned off books from a rather young age, do try some simple reading of Prof Edward De Bono. Easily digestable and remarkably logical for a topic as abstract as thinking about thinking. i am naturally biased as an alumnus of de Bono's thinking school but nevertheless, the hols are coming up. you can always spare some time for a decent read.

speaking of which, i am fortunate to have purchased a macbook yesterday, at long last. now fully equipped with the machine, the 8 or 9 texts i have at hand, and the snowy winter of toronto, i shall seek to emancipate myself from the chains that bind my mind, and hopefully, after a good deal of reading and writing, return with a much more fertile thought processing tool.

what if i meant each and every word

2006-10-13T19:41:00.000+08:00

how can you find the pot of gold if you can't even see a rainbow? this malaise of negativity that's consuming me is nothing new. it just needs a cure.

all i see is the abyss they call darkness on one hand, and it's antithesis they call white on the other. no rainbow in sight. not even a hint of grey.

a prism. i need a prism. to absorb the light in my right hand. to splash out the techni-colour highlight reel of a rainbow to my left. and then, i'll find my pot of gold at the end, somewhere, right now hidden, shrouded in the darkness.

sombody needs to find a way out of this maze that is my twisted mind.

2006-10-12T22:27:00.000+08:00

biting off more than i could chew. that pretty much sums up this year, which is coming to a choking end. pun not intended.

ah. sleep. my solace and my refuge.

2006-10-11T08:04:00.000+08:00

exams are over, and in truth, the feeling of emptiness is slowly but surely creeping back into my life. if anything, the eoys were a much needed break where i could focus on something that i like doing, that i do well. i was really getting very sick of my life for the week or two prior to the exams. and now that they're over, i can honestly say, yesterday was good at best, probably much closer to average. got to know some new people, but you know, everything seems so sad. i need something to switch my frame of perception right now. little miss sunshine i suppose isn't too bad. but i wasn't quite in the mood for that kinda movie yesterday. anyway, i have one outing to look forward to this week. and work. and my novels.

you can lie to me. just don't lie to yourself.

2006-09-26T09:30:00.000+08:00

i'm in the school comp lab now. bishant singh baedy is doing her own thing as usual and i'm sitting here blogging while jamal is tagging on my tagboard. wow. okay. nvm. just felt like letting the world know i'm still alive. bye.

2006-09-21T18:00:00.000+08:00

time can heal wounds, but it always leaves scars. i just wish i could scrub all this guilt away. my emotional epicenter is collapsing in a whirlpool of spinning tears.

2006-09-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

to say the very least, it has been a very trying period indeed. i have been prone to breakdowns of late and i'm just dragging myself through each day. but i really want to take this opportunity to thank all of you out there for being there for me.

to royston. i don't have to say anything. thanks for being you.

to josh, thank you for being there supporting me throughout the past couple of weeks. apprepriate everything.

to soonkai, thanks for playing hexic with me :) and a lot more.

to shiv, thanks for being painfully honest and frank with me always. its been quite some time hasn't it. primary 1 haha.

to zy, thank you for just being there in class, online. you're humorous, never fail to brighten up my day.

to jamal, thanks for sharing my burdens from the start. for being there when i needed to talk.

to shreya, thanks for listening today.

to david, thanks for asking.

to jing, thanks for bearing with all the ranting. thanks for the sharing, for being there.

to mich, thanks for still being here today after what is it? 2 and a half years now.

and to anyone out there i've missed, thank you. all of you have affected my life somehow or another. thank you.

2006-09-16T22:25:00.000+08:00

i find it increasingly difficult to focus. the emotional taxation of my life is rendering me penniless in spirit, weary, and quite simply, empty. but circumstance dictates that i have to run. so i continue, running on empty.

2006-09-13T22:43:00.000+08:00

thank you.

and,
sorry.

2006-09-12T23:13:00.000+08:00

i only want to do what's fair and just and right. whatever it is, i pray forgiveness is forthcoming.

2006-09-10T18:07:00.000+08:00

please please please don't do this to me. as it is, i'm living on tenterhooks. i'm being hit on all sides with very effective collisions, which leaves me highly reactive right now.

just. give.me.some.space.to.breathe.

2006-09-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

i've gone hiding these pass few days. not that the solitude really helped achieve any sort of peace of mind. the progress with work is still, as ever, slow.

2006-09-07T14:57:00.000+08:00

finally i get my keyboard and mouse back.

ever since i read some stuff at HKIA, i've kinda been thinking, and thinking, and thinking. i realise, in many ways, i'm clinging on to memories of the past, and kinda forsaking hopes for the future. but after all that, my only conclusion, is that i owe you a lot. you changed my life forever. all i have to say to that is, thank you.

2006-09-01T06:53:00.000+08:00

i'm at the airport now. leaving in an hour.

it's so deja vu.

i'll miss all of you haha. even if its only 4 days. :)

2006-08-25T18:57:00.000+08:00

the purple bloom withers. the red umbrella snaps to a close.

far away, on a humming meadow, an invisible door slams shut.

the soundless syncopation leaves a jarring aftertaste in my mind.

2006-08-23T18:21:00.000+08:00

you render me blind to imperfections. you cleanse my need to rationalise. you make me feel.

2006-08-22T18:48:00.000+08:00

you put a smile on my face, but can take it away just as swiftly. you make me think.

2006-08-20T16:19:00.000+08:00

i just had an extreme bout of nostalgia. i was just staring at that beautiful purple bloom outside my window when waves upon waves of longing just washed over me for no rhyme or reason. i'm not sure why i have this strong urge to note this down either. just feel... strange.

2006-08-17T21:23:00.000+08:00

the day started out rather lousily, but ended on a rather interesting note.

i'm probably popping by hk for 2 days over the sept holidays.

2006-08-16T23:22:00.000+08:00

math portfolio is actually mildly fun. fun enough to keep me off freecell for an extended period of time lol. we won rugby c and we claimed top boys' school in sports and games for the who knows how many-eth time in a row. i can smell that holiday coming. woohoo. still alive and kicking after 12 for the fourth night in a row. go me!

2006-08-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

it even makes economic sense! everything has trade-offs. the question of course, is if i'm covering my opp. cost. lol. next best alternative? hoho.

2006-08-12T10:11:00.000+08:00

the parallels are almost eerie. sometimes i just wonder if these feelings of deja vu are quite simply of my own making. i put myself subconciously into these compromising situations. of fears, of insecurities, of choice.

bah humbug

2006-08-06T10:01:00.000+08:00

haven was great in many ways. i liked the music the best.

it also left me deep in thought.

2006-08-03T23:39:00.000+08:00

today was the bestest day ever!

thankew sooooo much to all of you out there who truly made my day! thanks for all the presents and thanks for the lovely cake. thanks jing for the cute cow. and *drum roll* THANK YOU BERN! =)

i feel so lurved today. =)

2006-08-01T21:39:00.000+08:00

happy birthday jing! =D

i was high today. adrenalin rush from the lack of sleep the pass two days. but by this time tmr, i'll be feeling considerably less burdened. but probably as tired. since there's inter class soccer tmr hehehe. leviticus is so gonna kick ass. right? lol.

2006-07-30T19:09:00.000+08:00

finally i get some work done. phy pract, now doing chem pract. found a good reference for my ee as well. supposed to go out today to get stuff and watch movie. oh wells. sorry =(

2006-07-25T21:19:00.000+08:00

i dunno where to hide. everywhere i go, it's oppressing me. it's remarkable i'm still in one piece and in a healthy state of mind. august 7th. liberation day. let's hope i'm still alive by then.

2006-07-23T19:02:00.000+08:00

i haven't achieved much today but i feel rather happy lol. cheery almost. buoyant. haha. i wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that my birthday inches closer hehe xD

can't wait to get back to school. i love school. i really do. this year has been great. previously, i was physically fine, but mentally weary. this year, i'm a lil overworking myself physically, but i'm happy. i'm getting a lot of satisfaction from all my work and school. yipee! xD

2006-07-21T19:38:00.000+08:00

i look out of my window. the sky is a magnificent clear blue hue. i stare at that withering yet ever beautiful purple bloom. 5 minutes. maybe half an hour. i wonder what in the world i'm doing. i've over-estimated myself for some time now. reality check.

2006-07-18T21:58:00.000+08:00

i thought i was feeling better but apparently not. the incessant queasiness is back. what an inopportune time to fall ill. this is quite possibly the busiest few weeks i've had in years. but the good thing is, my faith is now stronger, and i don't wallow in stress and self pity like i used to. If anything, i seem rather more cheery than usual. one reason - His perfect love drives out all fear.

2006-07-16T20:47:00.000+08:00

it's been 2 weeks since i last blogged. partially because of the common tests which egged me to introduce a 10 day hiatus from the comp, and partially because my keyboard passed on having gone 10 days without my tender loving care xP so, apologies to those of you who read my blog.

the CTs were fine. i had lots to blog about actually. but i don't think i'm going to. i've got a new logitech keyboard now. and i'm pretty sure my phone bill this month is gonna blow big time. other than that, quite a few council stuff going on. all in all, i'm enjoying myself lately. Praise the Lord for that.

2006-06-29T20:04:00.000+08:00

if there were some things in life that really sustain you and keep you going, then a simple smile or wave would surely be one of them.

2006-06-27T17:25:00.000+08:00

how do you make a choice when you know that whatever the decision, you lose out?

2006-06-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

on my mind.

2006-06-23T22:31:00.000+08:00

my sporadic bouts of unhappiness and moods are obviously never good for me. but it's still me you know. i've got to deal with me. i just regret that they've left an indelible mark on others who don't deserve it.

2006-06-22T22:57:00.000+08:00

i'm not as insensitive or unfeeling as you may think.

2006-06-20T20:54:00.000+08:00

where's my red umbrella?

out of reach....

2006-06-17T01:29:00.000+08:00

lalala. unbelievably i'm still up at this time. for the second night in succession. last night, went for jamie cullum's concert. good. but not great. then went to chijmes to watch england against t&t. which was rather boring. i might have fallen asleep if not for the second hand smoke i was inhaling and the stupid english drunkards who were singing away whilst insulting owen and crouch, all the while littering their disjointed speech with colourful vulgarities.

i am sooo pissed that my devil beside you series on youtube is gone!!! if i had been online yesterday i would have finished it! gahh...

of yellow roses

2006-06-13T22:24:00.000+08:00

For the first time today, i finished the Hours in one sitting. and it never fails to amaze me this book. so beautifully crafted, 3 stories intertwined and brought together in a fitting end. i even managed to finish the movie on dvd in one sitting. today, i feel like i've achieved in a day more than i have in a long while. everywhere i turn, i see beauty. beauty in words. beauty in pictures. beauty in everything - life, love and the hours.

2006-06-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

today has been an exceedingly fruitful day. i have reached ep 7 of e mo zai shen bian, i finished my trigo ws, i talked to lots of pple, i played hexic for the first time in ages, i suanned, i bullied. ah yes. bliss.

2006-06-09T17:46:00.000+08:00

in many ways, this little game of hide and seek, this mutual silence, is all too familiar. all too stark in my memory.

2006-06-08T10:32:00.000+08:00

i think i think too much.

2006-06-05T21:31:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling totally ill at ease with myself this past week. and it's all kinda boiling over today. today. the 5th of june. today. i'm letting emotion spill out of me.

i've always had my fears. like all you pple out there have too. but i've never really dared face them. take them by the horns. in many ways, i'm a coward. all i know is running. away. taking the easy route. running. coward.

things stare at me in the face. i've always believed in choice, and cause and effect. now i guess, there are decisions for me to make. am i still going to take the easy route out and run? i dunno. i just don't want to feel those pangs of regret anymore.

2006-06-04T10:00:00.000+08:00

had a nice day yesterday. hockey then cell. then dinner with royston hahaha. hadn't gone out with toh in soo long. like since beijing lol. it's so fun to go out with toh. we just sat and talked and talked and talked over dinner. everyone seems to get more and more distant, but there's always still toh! hahaha. i know he won't ever read this but that's okay. it now makes perfect sense that in hongkong, the only person i thought to get a present for, was toh. hahahaha. maybe i should learn to be content with just toh :) hahaha

my parents were watching a movie at great world so they came to pick me up after dinner at PS then dragged me off to wisma which was having some kind of 20% sale for all the shops in wisma. didn't leave till like 11.30 gosh. but i finally got my bolster! <3 hahaha.

and now, i just came up from seasoning the steak for tonight! lol. dinner's grilled steak by me hahaha. we'll see how that goes.

2006-06-02T13:17:00.000+08:00

i have been suanned non stop for like the pass 2 days. unfair.

2006-06-01T22:18:00.000+08:00

okay back from hongkong. it was really short the trip. rushed here and there. but it hk still pwns you. bought some stuff. so i'm rather happy lol. went out with kach and later on jinyi and song and shreya today. slacked our day away at marina. and i just got home. like just made it in time hahaha. anyway, i've decided to enjoy myself this week, then next week i'll really start getting down to work.

okay, i haven't touched the comp in 4 days and my keyboard is already feeling foreign to me. hmm. oh and blog readership has gone up astronomically recently. hmmm.. dunno if that's a good thing or bad thing.

2006-05-29T06:38:00.000+08:00

i'm at the airport now. this week has been a week of reflection. an afternoon of solitude yesterday. and a further 3 days in hongkong for me to think, away from distractions.

even if its 3 days, i'm gonna miss some of you =) i shan't name names, but you know who you are. 'i will be back'. hahaha. wednesday evening. see you then. :)

2006-05-28T11:59:00.000+08:00

disgusting weather. disgusting day. when you can't even win in fifa, then you know something's up. i shall go out and be anti.

2006-05-26T23:29:00.000+08:00

yuck. i don't feel right. physically, i'm nursing a couple of crocked limbs. emotionally, i dunno. i don't really want an entire one month break from school. i hate feeling alone.

still yet to watch da vinci code or x-men 3. hmmm. gah

2006-05-25T18:05:00.000+08:00

phew! it feels great to finally have gotten so much stuff off my plate. my body screams out for sleep, but on the other hand, i feel refreshed. like i'm starting on a clean slate again. no more stress hahaha. the sky is beautiful right now. clear blue. with nice wooly clouds. hmmmm

2006-05-24T21:07:00.000+08:00

i'm stresseddddddd. i blame it on the lack of chocolate.

2006-05-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

strangely, i blog for the second time today. I've been on the comp the whole day. from 9 this morning. no good for my eyes i know. but well, i've never done so much work in a day this year. actually, for that matter, i've probably never chatted with so many different pple in a single day before. had some really nice chats with a few pple. i'm happy :)

oh. typing math on the comp is a complete pain in the ass. i'm now so zoned out i think i could probably mistake a CD for a donut. oh well.

2006-05-23T09:54:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a rather good day. i got back my chem test. and somehow passed. like on the dot. which means i passed all my term tests without studying. haven't gotten back english and chinese though. but in anycase, the results were not altogether of any standard and this june, it seems, shall be a rather agonising one.

school holiday today. i shall attempt to make full use of it. i've rediscovered my love for jewel's music. hmm.

2006-05-20T22:31:00.000+08:00

somehow, i feel like i've gone through all of this before.

2006-05-18T21:39:00.000+08:00

I've let my standards slip. In the past, it would have been inconceivable that mun would not touch any of his notes or textbooks before a test, let alone 4 tests. I look back at the past two weeks and wonder. What in the heavens was passing through my mind. I'm just thankful i pulled through math and econs rather okay, scraped through my physics, and well, chem, nothing needs to be said. This june hols is gonna be catch-up time.

Praise the Lord! i got the moe pre-u scholarship. but i think i really have to start pulling up my socks if i still want my money next year.

in the mean time, i need desperately to sort out my priorities. and differentiate between needs and wants.

2006-05-10T20:24:00.000+08:00

School life is perhaps as eventful as it can get. And it looks like more fun over the next year! tests have passed rather smoothly. i hope at least. just two more next week. a nice vesak day holiday to look forward to on friday. and well, i guess my life is rather smooth sailing right now. and i thank God for that.

Not a hint of a breeze. No ominous clouds. No turbulent waves. Just sunshine and calm seas.

Floating away...

2006-05-06T11:32:00.000+08:00

With that, we see some dreams dashed, some spirits crushed. And sometimes, i begin to wonder, what we do all this for. How many actually mean what they say. How many possess the drive to see through what they start. Are we men of action? Do-ers of Deeds? or simply men of talk? I suppose the landscape that faces us over the course of the year has changed drastically. I can't quite see past the current mist. But i do seem to make out a glimpse of a rainbow.

2006-04-29T12:04:00.000+08:00

just got back from beijing yesterday. what a blast. the teachers trusted us. and i guess we didn't really disappoint. it was boring on the one hand. but fun on the other. at least i got to see liverpool kicking chelsea's ass. and well. i bought some stuff. and well, it was fun slacking with a whole bunch of dudes and talking cock. i suppose. hahaha. now back to school. argh.

2006-04-19T21:42:00.001+08:00

i feel like i'm standing at some kind of threshold in my life. somehow, i feel like i'm slipping and sliding and yet, i'm also feeling like i'm pushing and probing, ready to take the next step up. go me! haha.

oh and i'm losing terribly to mich at solitaire ='( nvm. i'll get my fair share of luck tmr XD tomorrow shall be a lucky day. a good day. coz i say so.

2006-04-09T22:00:00.000+08:00

unbelievably, i sit here this day, the ninth of april, two thousand and six. i guess in many ways, my life has been a kaleidoscopic myriad. and in many others, its been a bore, routine, but i guess, never really a chore. tomorrow, an announcment. one that would probably greatly determine where my time and focus, my concern and my fretting would be devoted to. but i guess, regardless, i will not allow myself to be obssessive with any of my work. First comes my spiritual relationship, then comes my family and friends. then SLEEP =P and then only work. With every passing day, my commitment to each of the 4 things above has to be renewed, refreshed. And that way, i actually look forward to each new day. april the tenth. here i come.

2006-04-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

grrrrrr.... msn is refusing to let me load solitaire showdown. i'm in a considerably perkier mood these days. thankfully. my mood swings are worthy of a woman. =P forgive me all you raging feminists out there XP

2006-04-01T21:55:00.000+08:00

i've thought about it. and i've thought about it again. and again. and i still can't figure why i'm stuck in this damned ennui. nothing seems to fire my imagination these days. my daily routine how just involves retreating into my shell. my comfort zone. and well. yes. being anti-social. being listless. being uninterested. i do what i need to do. and that's that. i need to be doing what i WANT to do. not just what i need to do. but i'm just not feeling it right now.

2006-03-26T10:16:00.000+08:00

wah super sianzzzz.. sitting down and doing homework must be one of the most demanding tests of self-discipline. at least it is now. even if it was but second nature in the past. the weather is disgusting as usual. i can feel the humidity hugging and eveloping me. it very literally makes my skin crawl.

part of me thinks we're being overworked. buried under the pile of homework and gasping for air. but.... some tiny corner of my consciousness (perhaps it's my conscience or something. i thought it died a long time ago though) tells me that the real problem, yes the real problem, is that we're not being pushed hard enough. yes. you read that right. say whatever you like about the gifted programme but i swear in some morbid way, i absolutely enjoyed, and perhaps feasted, on the pressure and unending stream of challenges that gep presented to us. and amidst all the joy i gathered from overcoming each obstacle in my path, i derived even greater satisfaction from achieving a rather balanced lifestyle. the motivation was to finish my work as quickly as possible, and then i can go have fun. now, i think about it, perhaps its coz we don't have enough work to kick me to start work first and play later. with the reduced workload, perhaps i'm subconciously telling myself that i can play first and still finish the work later. and in turn inducing more stress on myself.

ah well. i know pple out there are gonna slam me for my little rant on the pros of gep. or my almost non-sensical 'plea' for more work. but yeah. just a little morning rambling.

2006-03-20T21:31:00.000+08:00

A reminder today, how precious life is. We know not what awaits us in the near future. So treasure your life while you still can.

2006-03-16T20:39:00.000+08:00

i watched V for Vendetta yesterday and i swear it's the best movie i've watched in years. i went to the gym with ben and toh and i also think i did rather well today for SIMUN. which all adds up to a feeling of contentment. an ethereal feeling of peace.

2006-03-06T23:07:00.000+08:00

I just realised that i haven't started a new pair of contacts even though an entire week of the month has already come and gone.

I wish i could run as fast as my nose.

2006-03-05T18:01:00.000+08:00

all of it is coming together. in a bad way.

the strain starts taking its toll after a while. no matter how you try to push it to the back of your mind. your physical self just doesn't hold.

the lack of activity on this piece of the galaxy that we term cyberspace is now so inactive you can just about guess how mundane and drab my life has become. mind numbing comatose. the way singaporeans like it.

2006-02-21T21:55:00.000+08:00

for a more serious read, do visit theThinRedLine

2006-02-18T11:18:00.000+08:00

GHK - Swim Champions 2006!

YEssS! credit must be due to all the participants and especially the level captains who work tirelessly [and are still under-appreciated i must add] to ensure the success of their house. oh yea and most special credit to keziah! thanks to her and all the girls in GHK, cheryl etc. GHK is the FIRST Swim Champion in the Open Girls Category! =D and we did it with only one synchro swimmer and no swimmers at all!

track and field here we come!

2006-02-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

i don't think i've been this sick since a long time ago. you know it's bad when your muscles start to ache and your neck doesn't seem to be capable of supporting that unimaginably heavy head. and especially when 2 divide by 2 equals 4.

that miracle drug

2006-02-14T18:05:00.000+08:00

it's valentine's day

love is a drug. it sends you to dizzy raptures that you never want to descend from. and when you come crashing down, you just keep craving.

where's my miracle drug?

2006-02-12T11:12:00.000+08:00

one and two. i am content.

2006-02-07T20:21:00.000+08:00

the world's spinning around you. you cup your hands. plant your face behind the curtains you call your fingers. close those weary eyes. part of you just wants to give up. to rest. to not give a damn about everything around you.

but even as you do that, you know there are pple around you looking. maybe even staring. no matter where you try to hide, your problems and responsibilities, your fatigue, they always catches up with you. never fails to find you.

i've been feeling so lifeless this past day, i might as well have been dead. i just don't feel any energy. nothing coursing through my veins. i just want to lie down and sleep. soundly for once. but of course, homework beckons.

2006-02-06T18:46:00.000+08:00

vince lombardi once said this.

"We'll chase perfection even if it's unattainable. In the process, we'll catch excellence."

2006-02-06T18:40:00.000+08:00

aww pittsburgh won. i had seattle for the win simply coz holmgrem's the coach. i mean, anything with some connection to the packers.

eurgh we lost. the blue scum ought to be relegated for the john obi mikel scandal. although they'd be up within a season. but who cares. abramovich needs to be put to jail. hello? putin? you hear? where's your FSD when we need them? who cares about british spies and large rocks with hidden mechanisms? abramovich is the one you want! d'oh

2006-01-30T21:46:00.000+08:00

went to sentosa today! beach soccer is rather fun! well, at least i can say i learnt how to play mahjong this CNY. just got a tad tipsy on some good dessert wine over dinner a couple hours ago. dunno how 3 or 4 glasses of 14.5% could get to me but oh well.

i dunno why i'm so picky with food. but really, i just can't eat food that is like, bad. i think i'm a very cheena, canton food kinda guy. pasta, especially disgusting stuff from pastamania, makes me sick. oh and my mood is real important too. i can't eat anything if i'm not in the mood.

math! here we go!

2006-01-28T18:11:00.000+08:00

self-sufficiency is a term thrown around a lot when it comes to singapore studies. they even joke the merlion is such a weird combination of cat and fish simply to symbolise the country's self-sufficient nature.

but can pple possibly be self-sufficient? can we live our lives completely independent of others. what is this concept of independence? right now, i feel totally dependent. emotionally, financially etc. it leaves a feeling of helplessness almost. like a lack of control over one's life. but do we really want to live a life in complete self-sufficiency? i dunno.

what a random rant. the heat is gettting to me.

2006-01-25T19:18:00.000+08:00

why do people cry themselves dry, whine themselves breathless. worry themselves sick. admittedly, i used to do all that. and frequently too. but i never understood why i did it and i still can't grasp the rationale. quite apparent to us all, is an option that probably unquestionably is greatly better than draining yourself emotionally. why think so much? why cry over spilt milk? why worry? face it. get on with life. but that's all easier said than done. we humans are after all, the most emotional cretins on the face of the earth.

relating this to myself, i'm this year a lot happier. carefree. but i wonder if that's because i've become numb to the stress or the pain. is that actually a good thing? i wonder. and i'm sure you will too. eventually.

2006-01-22T22:19:00.000+08:00

josh, soon kai and i somehow got lost in bishan. but yeah it was rather entertaining talking to mdm. i think i'm taking things too easy this year. but well, at least i'm enjoying myself.

2006-01-17T21:03:00.000+08:00

eyebags. hmm. it's a sign that i should have taken the dec hols to rest and recuperate. not coop myself up in a defence science lab.

GHK is gonna kick ass this year! Doesn't sound convincing? Just you wait and see! okay i'm gonna need to convince myself thoroughly first. But we're on the right track! Things are looking on the up now. Well, at least we're moving! Perhaps it's coz lessons have started. I need to play more ball. The endorphins really help me function, same way caffiene works for some of you out there.

Lexington. Bagehot. Charlemagne. My favorite section is still the obituary though.

2006-01-11T20:28:00.000+08:00

everyone blogs about orientation, but i just didn't have the enthusiasm to do so.

had a wonderful conversation with hans today. truly, the moment we take that leap of faith, the instance we realise that everything is in fact in God's hands; it's a really humbling experience. the two of us discussed religion et al. but we concluded that Christianity is special and unique because of one defining quality - we have a God whose love for us is undying, whose mercies are new every morning and whose grace is simply amazing.

right now, i just try to dwell on these wonderful truths and try not to concern myself with all the emotional baggage that comes with worldly matters. i feel much more carefree that way.

2006-01-01T01:51:00.000+08:00

korea was rather okay. family tensions were not very healthy for the whole thing but i guess i had fun skiing.

just spent the entire night karaoke-ing and attempting to play scrabble with kiddies who can't even spell lol. the year, in retrospect, was a rather good one. not fruitful, not altogether fulfilling, but still, can't say it was bad.

perhaps i've been too absorbed in the self. i dunno. i've been flipping through loads of old photos of late and i've realised how much i've changed through the years. i've been really fortunate in many areas, and maybe i shouldn't take so many things for granted.

new year resolution: to be a humbler person, shaping myself in the image of God.

2005-12-22T22:33:00.000+08:00

oh my goodness.. pandora.com is t3h ultimate i tell you. i just discovered a song titled ANNA LEE by strung out. some g. i mean, anna lee. rofl..

oh and i watched Narnia today. it waas, suffice to say, empowering.

2005-12-20T09:44:00.000+08:00

i seem to notice loads of chio bus everywhere i go these days, one of which was my ex-tuition classmate hahahaha. i shan't elaborate.

watched kong yesterday. i'd describe it as overhyped? yeah. the media is getting peterjackson-friendly. some lines were cheesy at best. the plot was underdeveloped, although i guess, as a remake, we can cut it some slack. jackson as always managed to turn a war/battle/fight into a unnecessarily lengthy sequence [this time it resembled acrobatics - featuring a 25foot ape and a 3some of trexes rather than a bunch of orcs and elves].

3 hours was too much. especially when you get to see an ape biting out a trex's tongue. jack black was about the best thing in the movie. and adrien brody was rather disappointing having set himself thoroughly high standards in the pianist.

oh and i'm going off to korea on 24th. should be back by 29th late at night. hopefully i can put back on that 4 kilos i've lost over the course of this year.

2005-12-13T12:34:00.000+08:00

hmph. stoopid korean pilots. why must they go on strike now. korea trip may be off. i'm kinda like aching now. 3 hours of table tennis yesterday. and swimming the day before. i am now phAt! unfitness is killing me.

2005-12-08T14:54:00.000+08:00

yay! added music! i shall wait for pple to start realising i moved back to munnywabbit :)) dad and grandma arriving back from toronto today!

A New Beginning

2005-12-07T16:29:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to change my layout for quite some time and here it is. Navigation on the left. oh wait. you must have already figured that out if you're reading this. Xp